INDIAN REVENGE MOVIES!
Thunder Warrior (1985)- (Feat. Mark Gregory, Bo Svenson, Raimund Harmstorf)
"They gave him hate, he gave them hell," this gem of a movie declares! It is true, this is sort of a really crappy version of Rambo! The film begins with "Thunder," returning to his hometown from some undisclosed place to discover that the white man is trying to build an observatory on his tribe's ancient burial ground! The evil white men even mutilated his grandfather's hands when he tried to show them the treaty which said they would leave the burial ground alone! After being beaten for interfering with the construction of the observatory (what the hell kind of weird thing was that for the writer to decide have them building? Wouldn't a shopping mall or some other none scientific establishment seem more of a desecration?) sorry I digress- it is time for Thunder to get revenge! He has to use a compound bow like Rambo... of course! He breaks into a gun store and steals... a bow?!!!
Any way, the editing on this movie really sucks, the story is dumb, the action sucks, Thunder only maims people because he is a nice guy out for revenge and... he sucks. The best part of the film is when Thunder gets his hands on a really stupid looking bazooka and rides a bulldozer through the sheriff's office and bank!!! The sheriff (played by Bo Svenson) is supposed to be on Thunder's side since he is the only white person in town who doesn't totally hate Native Americans, there is even an old lady who walks by at one point and says, "why don't they all just stay on the reservation!" However, since the sheriff is willing to lock up Thunder whenever his sleazy deputies say the most unbelievable things, one is left liking the sheriff no better than anyone else in the film! This flick is both sort of funny in its crappiness and just plain dumb! You be the judge!
Screenplay by David Parker, Jr. and Larry Ludman
Directed by Larry Ludman
Video Clip Of Thunder's Bazooka And Bulldozer Attack On The Police and Town!
Thunder Warrior 2 (1988)- (Feat. Mark Gregory, Bo Svenson, Raimund Harmstorf, Karen Reel)
It is so great that they made a sequel to Thunder Warrior! The film has the same stars! The film has the same writers! The film has the same director! Wow, that is radical since the first film was worthy of one star!
In Thunder Warrior 2, Thunder becomes a deputy on the same police force that beat him up and tried to kill him in the first movie! Thunder is such a great guy! He sure is a kind and forgiving dude! The deputy who really hated him in Thunder Warrior 1 (played by Raimund Harmstorf I think) still hates Thunder and frames him for murder and having a big sack of cocaine in his locker! All cops hide their cocaine stash in their work locker! Everybody knows that! There is no safer place for a cop to hide their cocaine! Bo Svenson, once again our supposedly friendly sheriff, must arrest Thunder! When Thunder's great trial ends, which one hears two seconds of, but never sees, he is sent off to a crappy prison in the middle of nowhere!
After surviving various abuse and being locked in a metal box in the sun for two weeks Thunder makes an amazing escape! As one can imagine it is time to break into a sporting goods store and not steal guns again, but... a crossbow! Wow! Did they ever change the story up?! After applying the proper war paint Thunder once again wreaks havoc upon the corrupt police force!
The film highlight is the amazing, explosive bolts Thunder uses with his crossbow (that is totally different from using explosive arrows with a bow like Rambo!) The explosive tips look like a cross between a bullet, a bottle rocket and lipstick! Awesome stuff! There is also a really good scene where Thunder Lassos a helicopter and doesn't climb the rope?! Who would?! Fortunately for Thunder the pilot really blows at his attempts to smash Thunder into the rocks and after a wonderful five minute or so sequence of this non-stop action, and a very stiff dummy and the end of a rope- Thunder lets go and falls in a lake! While this movie may be slightly better than the first it is no more recommended! The acting still sucks, the editing/scene continuity still sucks, and most things well... still suck!
Story and Screenplay by David Parker, Jr. and Larry Ludman
Directed by Larry Ludman
Video Clip Of Thunder Using His Radical Explosive Crossbow Bolts!
Johnny Firecloud (Year 70s?)- (Feat. Victor Mohica, Ralph Meeker, David Canary, Frank De Kova, Christina Hart, Sacheen Littlefeather, Jason Ledger)
Johnny Firecloud is similar to Thunder Warrior however, it was clearly made before it, the acting is far better, the bad guys are badder and there is more gore!
After a rancher who bosses the local cops around accidentally kills Johnny Firecloud's father and his henchmen have their way with Johnny's lady, it is killing time! While the box declares that Johnny gives them, "yesterday's revenge!" there is only one death scene which is related to brutal-old, Native American killing techniques- the head sticking out of the sand method (pictured above)! While considerably better than Thunder Warrior, I was let down by the level of gore which I had heard in lore that this film was supposed to contain!
Note of awesomeness, the movie rental place which I obtained this movie from had to cut the boobs out of one of the pictures on the back of the box (above)! I have never seen that before, I guess that is a testament to this film's oldness!
Directed by ? (Doesn't say on box- too lazy to put film in to find out)
Video Clip Of The Five Killings By Johnny Firecloud!
(Don't Watch This If You Have Any Desire To Find And Watch The Film!)
Scalps (1988)- (Feat. Karen Wood, Albert Farley, Charlie Bravo, Vassili Garis, Beny Cardosa)
Despite a couple scenes of nice and crappy gore this film is quite a bore! It is interesting that the back of the box lies about the movie's story! The box says that "a wealthy and treacherous rancher- Condor," becomes obsessed with a beautiful Indian princess- Yarin and when he fails to kidnap her he ambushes and massacres her tribe! The real story is a bit different, our evil "Condor" is actually the leader of a group of Confederate soldiers who refuse to admit that the north won the war so, they hide out in a crappy old fort in the dessert, waiting to kill any Yankees they can get their hands on!
The film begins with Condor giving a very wonderful speech to his soldiers about their great cause and then he goes and molests a woman he holds captive after arguing with his wife about the death of their daughter! It is interesting that these Confederate soldiers have cowboy style repeater rifles rather than black power rifles like they really used during the Civil War! No one ever said a film with a name like "Scalps" needed to be historically accurate! Anyway, Condor is obsessed with turning our heroine Yarin into his new sex slave so he sends his boys out to try and trade riffles with blanks and "fire water," for her! Yarin's father, the chief of her tribe wants nothing to do with Condor and his crummy deal so his soldiers kill everyone in the teepee village and capture Yarin!
The soldiers fail to get Yarin back to their shitty fort before she escapes and joins up with a rancher "Matt" who used to roll with Condor's lads but hates them now! Needless to say they kill the bad soldiers one by one and do have to scalp some of them! There is one scalping sequence with cheesy gore when Condor exacts revenge on an Indian he captures! There is also a nice part where Condor uses metal claws which he got from some Indians to attach ropes to Matt's chest and drag him kicking and screaming back to fort Condor! Despite how great this film sounds it has crappy acting, a million holes in its story and is about an hour too long at only 90 minutes! Not recommended!
Directed by Werner Knox
Scalps- Condor Does Scalping Video Clip!!
Scalps- Condor Uses His Indian Torture Toys And Yarin Uses Explosive Arrows Video Clip!!!